The magical time when you get to stop caring about stuff that doesn't matter.
A guide to life-ish. Bit of grim shit at the end.
I celebrated my 44th birthday last week.
And as a mini reflection on that achievement, I thought about how I’ve grown over the years. Not just in age of course, but in the things that matter to me now that didn’t before. And the things that used to matter to me in a horribly hyper-focused way, that fortunately now, don’t make even a tiny dent on my mental health.
It’s reasonable to accept that priorities and beliefs change with age. But my hot reckon is that when you turn 40, you are handed a magical card that stops you worrying about a lot of unimportant shit. It’s weird really, because for me, it kinda happened straight away. I’m not sure if it was the catalyst of turning 40, or because of a traumatic experience that happened the year before, whatever it was, I got to 40 and I swear I just stopped caring about all the things that caused so much upset prior to then.
This whole thing got me thinking.
What if the things I worried about in my 20’s and 30’s hadn’t been a thing? Would it have helped that wild ride?
Who knows? Maybe not at all and this newsy is a gigantic waste of time.
Sorry about that.
But, on the off chance this voice of reason is useful, here’s six things I no longer care about. Maybe you can stop caring about them too.
I don’t worry about anything physical on or about my body that I cannot change in 30 seconds or less.
I mean this for when I’m away from home, at work, where I don’t easily have access to “things” to fix whatever it is that has gone wrong with my body that day.
I don’t worry about an item of clothing that is fitting tighter or is slightly more uncomfortable than usual. I can’t do anything about bloat or body size in the immediate timeframe so I just choose a different thing to wear. I have clothes in my wardrobe now that are a size or two bigger for this purpose and if you can manage to do this it really does take away a lot of unnecessary worry.
I worry a whole lot less about the natural end of friendships, or partnerships, and try to not take it too personally when it happens.
I’ve found it’s a joyful place to be when it’s ok that people drift in and out of your life. And while it might initially be upsetting, you might miss them etc, accepting the change of the tides and welcoming them back if things play out that way, is refreshing. There are friends of mine I haven’t seen properly in years. It’s ok. So long as they are healthy and happy and progressing in a way they want to - all good. People who have brought trauma to you is a different thing entirely, and as always, feelings are valid.
I rarely give an endless supply of chances to dishonest people.
Sometimes chronic lying is a health condition and that is different from what I mean here. People who intentionally lie and cheat and do things hoping they don’t get caught are not good and valuable people to put effort in to. Are you picking up what I am throwing down? When people show you who they are, believe them. Spending lots of time trying to change people is usually futile.
Is it a victimless crime? I don’t worry about it.
It takes a ten second scan in a neighbourhood Facebook group to see people incredibly agitated by things that don’t hurt them or anyone else. There are plenty of exceptions to the rule, but largely, if people and animals are safe and not harmed, it probably doesn’t matter so much.
Skipping the gym is not the end of the world. Sometimes I have to pinch myself over this. I used to be a Personal Trainer. Before I had kids, the gym was a place I rated. Only a couple of years ago, lifting heavy weights and chasing an increasing number was so important to me. My health is very important to me, and mobility as I age is super important, but I won’t be losing sleep about not attending the gym or doing all the things I’m supposed to where exercise is concerned. Right now it’s not my gym season and that’s ok.
And with that, five things out of a shit load more that continue to take up my brain space. No amount of age or give-a-shit-ness changes these things.
Are my friends and family happy and safe?
Will this watermelon war ever be over? (using code words, ask me if you don’t know what I mean here)
Covid spread, cancer, cures to cancer - my friends with cancer fighting so hard for more time take up mega space. I’m really concerned about disease and how to prevent the spread of.
People in general. My friend KD is having a time right now. They are not ok and that worries me greatly.
What’s for dinner - it’s not all super serious, but I hate cooking with a passion. I suck at it, and no one eats what I cook. My family’s nutrition takes up an unreasonable amount of my thinking time and brain space. Totally sucks. I hope I get over this one kinda soon because far out it sucks so bad.
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