My meno-rage is out the meno-gate. Diet pills for menopause can get in the trash.
Results may vary, no results guaranteed.
Women go through some shit, don’t they.
Work can be tricky, parenting is exhausting, and the mental load is about to blow. Mine is, for sure.
But in addition to those things, did you know our whole bodies are wrong, too?
We’re too wibbly, too wobbly, too hairy, too grey, too big, too skinny, too psycho.
But it’s ok. We have the health and wellness people to constantly remind us of all our faults that are beyond our control, and what luck! They have a solution for us! And we can have that solution for four easy payments. And when that solution doesn’t work, it’s because we have other problems that need to be dealt with first. Here’s the right supplement that will help you with that.
Our bodies are constantly picked to bits, commented on, judged on, and profited from.
The hundred billion dollar health and wellness industry is making bank from us. And it’s exhausting. We have been gaslit our whole lives that our bodies need to be tighter, firmer, hairless, wrinkle-free. And in some cases, we’ve cottoned on to this, told the health and wellness people to feck off with their snake oil potions, and for a short time the health and wellness people were shaking in their boots.
Not for long, because we’re now in our forties, we care a lot less about the old made-up issues of our body than we used to, but now we’re entering the big scary world of menopause. It’s a brand new bag, baby! And the health and wellness people have struck gold and they are excited!
Menopause has gone from no one talking about it, and everyone suffering silently, to everyone talking about it, everyone worrying about it, and everyone buying up all the products that are supposed to help it - all out of fear, because the health and wellness people told us to be scared about it.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
Some natural things are great to use for some health related events. I love me a bit of ashwagandha for sleep, and joint support. I’ve no idea if it works, but there’s a bit of comfort in the fact that it might.
What needs to get in the damned trash is this kind of shit pictured below.
And I’m not sure if “watch toxic fat dissolve” is my favourite bullshit line of all time, or the cheer like rhyme of “3,2,1, my hormonal weight is gone” Honestly it’s so difficult to choose. In the meantime, I have questions.
How can you see the toxic fat dissolve? What does it look like? Is it a bright green colour like what’s at the nuclear power plant where Homer Simpson works?
What is a meno-belly? How do we know that our standard bellies are meno bellies or you know, just the standard ones?
It’s not often I comment on these posts, because whenever I do, it just tells their marketing machine to keep serving me more of these fat shaming bullshit ads. I must have seen versions of these ads from Happy Mammoth 27 times today.
Another one to watch out for is Emma Relief. Emma Relief can firmly go in the trash because while Happy Mammoth has a range of products that if they just quit their shitty advertising, might actually be useful for menopause symptoms, Emma Relief makes you watch a 54 minute video presentation, which in the name of loose research for this newsy, I did - I watched the whole thing, and I even found out the shipping for a $49 bottle is $69. And it’s so believable at first, being touted by a proper New York gastro doctor, too. But in my experience, the doctors with the commercial side hustles, generally speaking, are not in it for the good of your health.
But hey. What do I know?
I’m just a health nerd who loves a peer reviewed study in a medical journal.
So I bought some of the happy mammoth stuff.
I’m going to test it myself and see the toxic fat dissolve. And I’m going to watch my apron belly turn to flat as a board, or whatever that shit in the picture says.
I’ll test this stuff out for you and will update my results that are in no way shape or form, guaranteed, here.
Menopause or perimenopause where I’m currently at, has turned me into snarky bitch, and I’m here for it.
Next up for the trash is shape wear and the pursuit of thinness, or as the young people say “snatched”.
And yeah, I bought the shape wear too. Stay tuned as I try to crowbar myself into that.
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Please remember while I am a qualified fitness trainer, nutrition is an interest of mine, I am not a registered dietitian or nutritionist, and information shared here is through my own lived experience, personal study or a peer reviewed study I have nerded out on reading and sharing with you.